So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
