The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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