if you like me you must not know who I am
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
