She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
