i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
