he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
