Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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