ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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