I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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