We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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