wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
