Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
FUCK WHALES
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