There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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