Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
