yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
