just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
