Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
