Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
