mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
