it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
this hospital has no fireball
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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