We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Randomize
