At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Randomize
