Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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