Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
