am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
