is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
