I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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