tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
