i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
