well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
