Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
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so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
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I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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