I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
