Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
