My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
