Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
