I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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