He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
