next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
