considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
