My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
