I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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