Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
