Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least