did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
