I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"