Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"