i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
