All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
