Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize