You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
send nudes
from the living room?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
