haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
