I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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