The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
