I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
