You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
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He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
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I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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