dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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