You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
