That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Houston, we have a blender
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
