i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
