tonight lets celebrate not being married
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
did i just pee glitter
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
