Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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