I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
