i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
smell my finger.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
