I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
