Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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