Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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