Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
