I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
