so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
