Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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