How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
