i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
