i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
