how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
