New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
