matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
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I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
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He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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