You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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