I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
