I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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