I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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