Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
