when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
