Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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