I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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